The Weekend Pregame: October 14th


Here’s this week’s link to the trailers and predictions for The Big Year, Footloose (2: The Footloosening*), and The Thing! MovieBoozer is running a contest for Halloween, so check out the link on the sidebar on how to enter while you’re hangin’ out over there.

 

*Not really.

Rad Tatts: Biblical Ink

Bible-inspired tattoos.

Daniel 12:3 Star

[source]

Rating: Borderline Bad

Underneath my skin? Is skin. With words on it. Daniel 12:3 to be exact. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? No? Well… you can kind of make out some of the words. I cut my skin into a star because the verse has the word STARS in it. Get it? It’s meta. Like having skin inside your skin. Except the 2nd skin doesn’t have any chest hair, because I waxed it. Jesus would have wanted it that way.

 

Weary Jesus Arm

[source]

Rating: Bad

Check out this sad Jesus on my arm wearing the crown of thorns. Depressing, huh? There are a bunch of happy flowers at the bottom in case you get too sad looking at it. The extra awesome part is my arm pimples become Jesus’s chest acne, so sometimes it looks like he ate too many chocolate bars. I like to imagine he has the exact same skin tone as me. Jesus would have wanted it that way.

 

Posh Spice’s Neck Lettering (in Hebrew)

(“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine, who grazes among lilies.”)

[source]

Rating: Borderline Good

Oi! Dis be moi jolly good tatt on moi neck, now idn’t it? It’s in ‘ebrew coz dat’s duh language duh Old Testament wuz wri’in in!

The Weekend Pregame: October 7th

The two wide releases for this weekend are The Ides of March and Real Steel. My trailer preview over at MovieBoozer.com reveals how they represent the DOs and DON’Ts of filmmaking.

Viddy This: “Sandwiches” by Detroit Grand Pubahs

Time for another music video breakdown and review. The Detroit Grand Pubahs members are Paris the Black Fu, The Mysterious Mr O., and Dr. Toefinger (who sadly left the group in 2004.) This song was released in 2000, and I just thought of it the other day, strangely enough when I was turned on by a sandwich.

480p is as excellent quality as we can get, which is probably a plus for some of these screencaps.

I’m already confused. Floppy cucumbers? Cucumber-themed gratification devices? We immediately get a taste for DGP’s year 2000 humour: dwarves holding dildesque objects.

Whoa, did you see that?

This dude flashes on screen shortly after the song starts. It’s not exactly subliminal length; rather, it’s long enough to make me feel like I do when a guy who looks like this is watching me on the bus.

This guy wants to make sandwiches with you on the dance floor. You’re the bun while he’s the burger, girl. Why not hot dog? Please. This isn’t amateur hour. The lyrics to this song are already loaded with romantic symbolism. He’s like a modern day retarded black Shakespeare.

See, I don’t desire a higher resolution for that.

Let’s take a moment to discuss the music quality. The beat is what I like to refer to as your classic ‘Casio Beat’: as in, someone pushed the “dance” button on their 1980s Casio keyboard and they were done. His voice is highly electronically processed and someone pushed the “quaaludes” button on Auto Tune.

The cast is an eclectic mix of Detroit talent.

That’s some nice variety, right there.

Rating: Bad

Sorry DGP. Even for 2000, this video is uninspired and weird. Midgets, fat people dancing, and sketchy group members don’t pass for the comedic edge you seem to be going for. I also don’t feel like making sandwiches any time soon.

And nobody is EVER allowed do that to me.

Stream of Images: Nothing to Lose

How we play:

Think of three words.

Search.

Find an interesting image.

Analysis.

Think of one new word to go with two of the previous words.

Find an interesting image…

 

Searched: shift, bull, machine

[source]

Rating: Poor

This photo comes with the following caption: “This is me riding a mechanical bull in Calgary. This is evidence that I play it safe. First, the bull is a fake. Second, the machine is barely moving. Third, if I fall off there is a soft padded flooring to land on. These are my safety nets.”

Some things. Firstly, you’re not really riding the bull as much as sitting on it. I’m surprised the Calgarians didn’t pelt you with cans for doing it wrong. You may think you were playing it safe, but you got lucky, lady. Did you ever think about what that bull might be coated with, let alone the floor? Your safety nets are more like garbage nets.

 

Searched: shift, bird, machine

[source]

Rating: Bad

Sometimes when I’m washing my face before bed, I lean down to splash water on my face and then get scared that when I wipe my eyes there will be something horrible in the mirror. Now it’s going to be that.

 

Searched: shift, bird, knife

[source]

Rating: Good

Someone needs to alert Paraguay as to a possible attack from top-only terrorists with shivs. They don’t have lower halves and subsequently: nothing. to. lose*

 

*One could argue they could be worried about losing their top halves, but this seems unlikely. I never worry about losing my top**

**/wink

September’s Final Releases: Preview


Other projects have kept me busy for the past while, so I will return with new posts soon. In the meantime, here’s the link to the most recent Weekend Pregame I wrote for MovieBoozer.com!

September 30th:  50/50, Dream House, What’s Your Number, and Courageous.

And here’s last weekend’s, since I missed it.

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