Archive | September 2011

Stream of Images: Nothing to Lose

How we play:

Think of three words.

Search.

Find an interesting image.

Analysis.

Think of one new word to go with two of the previous words.

Find an interesting image…

 

Searched: shift, bull, machine

[source]

Rating: Poor

This photo comes with the following caption: “This is me riding a mechanical bull in Calgary. This is evidence that I play it safe. First, the bull is a fake. Second, the machine is barely moving. Third, if I fall off there is a soft padded flooring to land on. These are my safety nets.”

Some things. Firstly, you’re not really riding the bull as much as sitting on it. I’m surprised the Calgarians didn’t pelt you with cans for doing it wrong. You may think you were playing it safe, but you got lucky, lady. Did you ever think about what that bull might be coated with, let alone the floor? Your safety nets are more like garbage nets.

 

Searched: shift, bird, machine

[source]

Rating: Bad

Sometimes when I’m washing my face before bed, I lean down to splash water on my face and then get scared that when I wipe my eyes there will be something horrible in the mirror. Now it’s going to be that.

 

Searched: shift, bird, knife

[source]

Rating: Good

Someone needs to alert Paraguay as to a possible attack from top-only terrorists with shivs. They don’t have lower halves and subsequently: nothing. to. lose*

 

*One could argue they could be worried about losing their top halves, but this seems unlikely. I never worry about losing my top**

**/wink

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September’s Final Releases: Preview


Other projects have kept me busy for the past while, so I will return with new posts soon. In the meantime, here’s the link to the most recent Weekend Pregame I wrote for MovieBoozer.com!

September 30th:  50/50, Dream House, What’s Your Number, and Courageous.

And here’s last weekend’s, since I missed it.

The Weekend Pregame: September 16th

Here are the previews for this weekend’s movies, Drive, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Straw Dogs, and The Lion King 3D, rated with beers over at MovieBoozer.com. Check ’em out — a few of them actually look decent! Guess which one doesn’t.

Pressing Questions: Canadian Edition

When you’re travelling, it’s a good idea to check out cultural guides for your destination. What are their local customs? What is the food like? And most importantly, who lives there and how can I judge them?

I’m Canadian, and my favourite team is the Quebec Syrup Chuggers.

The fastest way to judge people from other countries is to make, or search, for assertions about them on the Googles so people can ingrain these little known facts in their minds.

Here are some search suggestions for Canadians.

Rating: Good

Yes. Canadians do like it on top. You see, we’re north of the United States of America. When you look at a map, it appears we are “on top” of them! It seems we also very much like Obama. Some would say we like being on top of Obama. He’s very good at playing basketball.

Rating: Average

If by football, you mean soccer, then yes, Canadians don’t understand that. Mostly because it is the most boring sport in the world.

It’s true: we don’t say ‘aboot.’ Or rather, we say aboot as often as Americans say YEEEEE-HAW! So, okay, a lot.

Rating: Good

That search result appeared in two different ways? In our hand, huh? I mean, eh? Why, yes! Our Canadian folklore says that we developed that extra bone in our hand out of necessity for maple syrup farming. Sometimes it would get too cold out in the maple field, and our syrup spigots would freeze and crack. The oldlings would break off their extra bone and use it to fashion a natural spigot to tap the trees before they lost too much precious syrup potential.

That was the weirdest sentence I have ever written.

A Canadian “Boning” a Maple Tree

[source]

For the record, “do Canadians have accents” might be the stupidest thing I have ever read.

The Weekend Pregame: September 9, 2011

We’re back from vacation and armed with a new post from MovieBoozer.com.

Here are the trailer reviews for your upcoming film-watching prospects, Contagion, Warrior, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star.

(I was away last weekend, so here are the reviews for Septemeber 2, 2011.)