Pressing Questions: Canadian Edition

When you’re travelling, it’s a good idea to check out cultural guides for your destination. What are their local customs? What is the food like? And most importantly, who lives there and how can I judge them?

I’m Canadian, and my favourite team is the Quebec Syrup Chuggers.

The fastest way to judge people from other countries is to make, or search, for assertions about them on the Googles so people can ingrain these little known facts in their minds.

Here are some search suggestions for Canadians.

Rating: Good

Yes. Canadians do like it on top. You see, we’re north of the United States of America. When you look at a map, it appears we are “on top” of them! It seems we also very much like Obama. Some would say we like being on top of Obama. He’s very good at playing basketball.

Rating: Average

If by football, you mean soccer, then yes, Canadians don’t understand that. Mostly because it is the most boring sport in the world.

It’s true: we don’t say ‘aboot.’ Or rather, we say aboot as often as Americans say YEEEEE-HAW! So, okay, a lot.

Rating: Good

That search result appeared in two different ways? In our hand, huh? I mean, eh? Why, yes! Our Canadian folklore says that we developed that extra bone in our hand out of necessity for maple syrup farming. Sometimes it would get too cold out in the maple field, and our syrup spigots would freeze and crack. The oldlings would break off their extra bone and use it to fashion a natural spigot to tap the trees before they lost too much precious syrup potential.

That was the weirdest sentence I have ever written.

A Canadian “Boning” a Maple Tree

[source]

For the record, “do Canadians have accents” might be the stupidest thing I have ever read.

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