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Borderline Learning: Ducks

Welcome to our new segment and the return of BG — your number one source for T Mills and Butt Tattoo photos, according to the search hits when I was away.

I thought we’d bridge the gap of our absence by providing some duck closure. Aside from being in piles, what else do ducks get up to?


Ducks Are Kinda Rapey

 Rating: Bad (from my perspective)

I mean, most animals are since the dude ones decide to kinda clumsily rub up against the lady ones and then OOPS! But, it seems like the ladies shrug and sigh and accept this boring requirement to make babies.

After witnessing an aggressive crowd of male ducks ganging up on a female in a pond with adorable babies in tow, I was disturbed by their forceful mating behaviour.

I decided to look into the issue and got distracted by this Yahoo! Answers question:

Help! My Pekin duck is biting me!?

I have one female and one male. They are 5 months old. My female is really nice and so is the male. However, my male will sometimes grab my skin and bite it really hard. It leaves a red mark. I tried smacking him and saying “no”, but that just makes it worst. What can I do?

Uh, you have ducks for pets. Shut-up.


Weird Junk

Rating: Great (from the duck’s perspective)

Did you know that ducks have corkscrew-shaped junk? I didn’t until I heard about it on the FilmDrunk Frotcast (a hilarious podcast you should check out sometime that isn’t now. You’re borderline learning something here!)

Warning: the following is an R-rated photo of a duck penis if you’re a young duckling and a crazy weird photo if you’re a person. Also, SPOILERS ahead if you’re a comely young lady duck who hasn’t been attacked by rapey male ducks yet.

I know.  [source]

According to Wired:

A drake’s penis substantially wastes away at the end of one breeding season and then regrows as the next season begins. Among lesser scaup and ruddy ducks, the regrowth varies in length or timing depending on whether males have to compete with a bunch of other guys, said Patricia Brennan of Yale University.

I’m assuming because they have to beat off the other competitor ducks with their weird wangs (there’s probably a better way to say that. Probably.)

Not to be outdone, female ducks have evolved to have corkscrew vaginas so that males don’t have all of the reproductive control. They revolve in the opposite direction and have dead ends and crevices. If anyone ever needs proof that evolution exists, you just point them in my direction.


Long Junk

Rating: I don’t even know anymore.

The Wired article gets even more intriguing concerning length:

In many bird species, males don’t grow specialized organs to deliver sperm. Ducks typically do, their penises sometimes reaching considerable lengths (9.8 inches for a ruddy duck, more than half its body length.)

If you want to learn more about duck junk, which this segment rapidly turned into being solely about, please visit here (featuring an incredibly creepy and fascinating video. Warning: you can’t unsee it.)