Trailers, Trailers, Trailers: More Movies I Don’t Want To See

Sanctum (Feb. 4, 2011)

Rating: Bad

Apparently another ‘based on true events’ story of the writer’s. As far as I can tell from the acting, they got the real people to star. This is the kind of movie that would oddly make for a good drinking game: drink every time an actor’s performance gives you douche chills.

It must be really hard to be close to drowning but your dad still takes the time to be a total dick.

 

World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles (March 11, 2011)

Rating: Poor

I know, I know, why do the aliens always want to go to the United States? It’s because L.A. is the first place they want to destroy, clearly. I think reviewing trailers is perfectly valid because they are designed and edited too. So if you’re going to include captions in yours, try to make the footage you show afterwards appropriate:

“There are patterns that cannot be explained” = a bunch of surfers. Uh, surfing is awesome, bro. Mystery solved.

“There are warnings that cannot be ignored” = lady immediately ignoring what is on her TV.

 

PROM (April 29, 2011)

Rating: Terrible

OK, kids.

“Who we were for four years of high school doesn’t matter” = “I am trying to excuse myself for acting like a self-centered whore”

Ironically, movies like these endorse acting like horribly shallow individuals who need to brush off whole periods of their lives rather than learn from their mistakes. Thanks, Disney.